Sunday, March 30, 2014

Getting Cheated at Monkey Poker



I have been doing this a long time. Literally 15 plus years. So I know the lingo. And I'm amused by the recent Sea World bad PR it's only going to damage your case better to just shut up lingo.

nh= nice hand
ty= thank you
gl= good luck

These simple niceties used to be a part of the game until PokerStars decided that a huge number of hands dealt and getting in the book of world records for it was more important than random cards and maybe being an interface for people actually having fun before nailing the girlfriend, passing out and going to sleep.

Human nature requires taunting those that are beneath you. Infra dig.

Following PS basic rules on what it takes to require a star and climb up the ladder you have to play a lot. And if you are going to flaunt your star from the US where real money play is banned and pop into a meaningless game then get this one simple concept non-English as your first language moron-

It's donkey. Not monkey.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Pokerstars Math Sttll Doesn't Work



And it never will work. PS math tells me that people from the US which can't play real money games get a star for their hard work. And these starred jackwipes play on the most meaningless free money games. Naturally their cards are better than mine.

I can do this every day. Find an idiot AI position. Next up a starred player from a country that allows Internet poker buying in to a meaningless free money game.

Human nature is artificial intelligence's worst nightmare.

Thursday, March 13, 2014

More Turbo - or Lack Thereof



It's really quite comical that this happens so consistently. Virtually every "turbo" 50-50 game has multiple players playing slower than freezing molasses. And of course PS has no good excuse for it. Real people would know what they were getting into and that there's an expectation that this game requires a decision in a decent amount of time.

Look at the chat. Multiple players get the 8 second warning. It's not rocket science to figure out if you have a crap, decent, or great hand. And it's also not like there is an unfair edge they're getting by taking the time to post some stats into some bizarre site that tells them whether to call, raise or fold.

I can and will do this every day.

Saturday, March 8, 2014

Turbo

One constant immutable fact about PokerStars. There's never a turbo table that doesn't have someone understand the meaning that it's supossed to be high speed. Drag it on out and make the blinds bigger. PS should either punish these positions by warning them that they aren't playing by the rules or stop offering turbo games. It doesn't help your image to have every turbo game be the slowest on the planet. But AI don't care.

Monday, March 3, 2014

Fmucker



Seriously? It's not the fact that someone would actually choose this for a screen name it's the fact that PokerStars crack IT staff would allow it. The correct response to registering with this screen name is that there would be a polite message from Pokerstars that would read something like this:

Dear fmucker:

I understand that you want t pick a pungent screen name that identifies yourself as an individual and separates you from the pervasive AI and the two year olds that play here. But alas as there are two year olds here we must insist you pick another name as the current choice is too close to mfucker which is something we simply can't allow. As a magnanimous gesture we will allow you to purchase 1 billion free money chips at the bargain price of $99.99 US Dollars. Please ignore the fact that the currency is US Dollars when US players are not allowed to compete for real money. Trust us that our next upgrade will be to change the currency to Euros and Bitcoins.

Have a nice day mother fucker.

PokerStars.

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Well Lookey Here



With the dwindling base of real money players PokerFrauds now resorts to advertising free money games. Where you have to buy the free money chips to get it on it.

"ring ring"

Hello?
Nigerian prince here. Want to make an easy 200k?

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Internet Poker Fraud - Don't Fuck With Me



Often I'm asked why I would spend so much time busting on PokerStars. It's because I'm a coward and it's waaaayyyy to easy a target. But let us sink a little bit more into the mind of Xenu/Paradox.

The Inernet is a dangerous place. There's lots of fun out there for those that aren't easily distracted by what is going on with the computer that

Holy shit look on the tits at that bitch!!!

There's lots of other fraud out there other than poker. Pick your poison. Poker, Seaworld (I'll get back to this in a minute) or pretty much ever fucking multiplayer game out there. Now since I'm not easily distracted by the

That squirrel, so cute!

So let me splain it to you Internet poker and game players. And I use what I've learned about SeaWorld and noisy idiot neighbors as my backup.

You have no legit defense. Orca killers keep lying. Noisy neigbors that push the snow on to my property keep lying. Wall Street keeps lying. Keep denying the overwhelming evidence. The Cove and Blackfish pretty much prove that whale captivity sucks. My noisy neighbors revving the car engine every day before 5am.


Keep doing what you are doing and I will find creative ways to mess with you.