High, Medium, Low - It's all the Same

It's all the same in PokerStars fucked up version of math.

You can sort by buy in. So let's go to the High buy in option just to see how many people are playing. Now that free money chips are an oxymoron since you can buy them with real money. Top buy in 1 million. Goddammit, that's pretty fucking high. So let's drop it down a notch and go to Medium. 2.5 million tops. That's pretty fucking high. And me and my crack team of math experts (me, the dog, a petri dish full of bacteria growing on agar, some planaria flatworms bissected and regenerating and three cardboard tubes from used toilet paper rolls report that this is bigger than 1 million. Let's go to Low since this is in the range of a table i can actually sit at.

10 million buy in? What the fuck?

It's ironic that the biggest, and impossible, buy in is offered on the lowest buy in filter. In the real world of legit programming new software is made and tested before being pushed into a sales position. That's why it takes Diablo 3 forever to make it to the market and why Teddy Ruxpin was such a spectacular technological failure. And why Jurassic Park was so dangerous.

Artificial Intelligence with huge chip stacks has been a staple of PokerStars for ages. Geez, you even have bingo games where supposedly the fun is to go all in for seven hands of Omaha Hi-Lo and get congratulated when you finish on top after playing by rules that essentially require no skill. And now these positions finally have an excuse to justify how they might have had enough chips to play like this. I don't care. I'll just break out the checkbook and buy more free money chips.

The only real defense here - high, medium and low. It refers to the quality of play. Any position that can afford a 10 million buy in is bullshit and is just going to raise irrationally.

Buying Free Money Chips

My favorite oxymoron is "I'm sorry, but I'm not going to apologize." Runners up are more well known. Medium sized jumbo shrimp. The printed page that says, "This space intentionally left blank." This ranks right up there.

In a desperate measure to gain the last extorted dollars from a dwindling fan base of complete addicts you can now plop down your credit card, or your parent's stolen credit card, and buy free money chips. And if you have a lot of cash you can buy a crap load of free money chips.

Needless to say the timeline of this is all fucked up. We here at the Big Laydown (me and the pit bull) recently posted about ten million free money buy in tables and how unlikely (that's generous, IMPOSSIBLE) that there would be enough players to populate the tables. After the fact days later we see a possible explanation. New player joins. New player wants to play for free money. New player is unsatisfied by a 2,000 chip gift. New player pays $200 real money to get a ridiculous amount of chips to buy in at ridiculous high end free money tables.

Seriously think about this. You are going to spend real money to buy into games that at best get you a sense of pride for being the best and get you more free money chips? And do you really think that you might do well enough that magnanimously PokerStars is going to allow a conversion from free money back to real money? Highly unlikely.

No, the only purpose this move serves is the potential cover story that there is a reason that people who haven't played for years have amassed so much free money wealth.

Hey jackwipes....you could waste that money on Scientology. Gets you the same result. Being defrauded.

Math Means Nothing to Pokerstars

They just break all the rules and appearances of normality all willy nilly as it suits them.

It's been a couple of years since US players could play for real money. I'm supposed to believe that billy sage (ironic that his initials are bs) has a Bronze Star which requires real money play. And competent real money play on top of just playing. And yet this jackwipe keeps playing play money games...and never bothered to pick an avatar. Does any competent poker player actually play for years on a site and not be interested in making a statement about himself with picking a picture to represent himself?

Well, no. Because itself was created a mere weeks or months ago. Or maybe even days.

BS

10 million buy in

Really? Are there really six players that would want to play a free money game for that buy in?

The Ever Enjoyable AI Bet

Trust me on this one. Nobody leaves themselves 5 chips when they could go all in. The thought that you might make a huge comeback by needing to go all in every time for another dozen hands and winning on them doesn't happen without serious math problems.

You keep setting up the volleyball and I'll keep spiking it.

Long Time Players Don't Take the Time to Personalize

Freshly after being cheated on a 50-50 table I did notice something weird. Not a single one of my opponents had made an image to associate with their account. this could be explained away as they might have to wait through a holding period where the admins need to approve the avatar.

But when I get to the next table and there are two Bronze Star players who are waiting to make my life miserable I have to call bullshit. It's a given that a real human player requires a big time commitment to get a Bronze Star. And the thought that you never found time to personalize yourself is comical. Human nature would make you think that it's time to pronounce your skill to the world. But since this is some bizarre new position AI thing they never consider that players with talent (me and my my dog) would even bother sitting at a bizarre and unpokerly (real word) game.

Obama Sucks - the Armenian AI Told Me So

The norm on 50-50 tables is radio silence. There's a good reason for this because the chat that is posted is low level fucktard, jackwipe nonsense. Apparently this douche has a problem with the US government shut down and wants to vent about Obama being the source of the problem. IN CAPS LOCK!

I can think of a few hundred different forums to better state your case. You're fucking from Armenia for shit's sake. Why the hell do you post this here? Oh looky see here. You didn't go all in but left yourself 10 chips by just calling.

Old MacDonald had a farm. AI AI Oh.

The Newest Bogus Game On PokerStars

This 50-50 nonsense has been going on for awhile now. Currently it seems to be limited to 500 and 1000 chip buy ins. Just like a 4000 player Badugi that would never really exist this isn't surprising. Finding six or ten players that would actively search out playing this game is not a serious option. Hence, the real human that stumbles on it will ignore it. Or have a bad experience with it and never bother with it again.

But there is at least one person that cares. Little old me. Because the list of players that shouldn't care but do care is pretty impressive. Please explain why a Chrome Star Russian player allowed to play for real money buys in to a meaningless 500 chip buy in free money game. This doesn't happen in real life too often.

And heaven forbid these 50-50 tables have any chatter. It's not like the guy (Russian racist stereotype alert) said, "Too much Wodka tonight. I play silly game and pass out after losing. Da! Dis was fun! Chekov on Star Trek is best. I play chess with him and crush him like German Panzer tanks. Time to fiddle on rooftop. Burp."

Without a doubt this game should e populated by newbies or people with lack of chips that constantly get screwed over like me.