ppkaka

You have to be kidding. It took me about two seconds to get over my schoolgirl giggles and recognize that this username is "peepee caca" in some weird shorthand. Probably because "peepeecaca" was already taken as a username.

One might tend to think that the operators of a multi-billion site might have some quality control and that their crack staff of overworked admins would have thought to send a friendly email saying that maybe 'ppkaka' isn't really something we want you to have as a username. We have Nadal playing here. he might have poop issues and really not want to see this. Or since the mentality of the play is between 2 and 4 year olds there might be some 2-4 year old poop issues that the bad parents.

"Bill, I'm really worried about our son. He spends all night playing Halo and games on PoerStars. Maybe after this last hit of meth we should have a talk with him. 10 years from now we don't want to be known as the parents that didn't take time for the kids and allowed him to get so screwed up that he went to a movie theater and gunned down 7,165 people."

"Tina, shut the fuck up. Little Tommy rules at Halo. And PokerStars. He's a Bronze Star for Chrissake. That implies...or sorry babe, implies to big a word for you isn't it...means he knows what he's doing. So he's played for real money for a long time perfectly happy being known as peepee. There are players named Pustule out there."

"Real money? That's been shut down for years. Is Tommy really fooling us and stealing? Check the meth supply. There might be some missing."

Leaving Five Chips

Doubting my self worth I dressed up in my school boy clothes I've been saving and pretended to enroll in a kindergarten class. The teacher was a smoking hot Asian babe and I think she was a bit suspicious considering I had a Godzilla t-shirt and a Metallica ball cap.

But we had some math fun after the awkward session of playing with blocks. We logged onto PokerStars. And that's where we found out that going all in isn't the best option. Nope. Leave yourself 5 chips. That might be a game changer. And Tony, that's my truck. Tina, seriously, That juice carton might have been yours when you walked in but it's mine now you whore.

It takes a lot less energy to go all in than to leave yourself a meaningless five chips.

Please Allowus A Moment Fred Saberhagen

I wouldcall thisguy a fucktard butthat would be aninsult to fucktardseverywhere. So before I go on toomuch further let me make the point. I do know how to spell properly and put spaces between words. I may have a drunken accident once in a while, but normally, although not Shakespeare or Dickens or Fred Saberhagen, I can be cogent and lucid.

Most blogs about poker being rigged focus on the card play and the inevitable bad beats. I focus on the lack of humanity and this is a prime ca...wait a minute...

Primecase. The odds that this jackwipewas a moderatoremployed by the siteand happenedto usehis powerand authorityto makethe samemisspelling ontwo consecutivemilestone handsis astoundingbeyond belief.

Wellit's noreal bigsurprise. Itis onlyfair thatthe supposedlyfair gameis moderatedby fuckingidiots.

There's no fucking way this guy has a job with a multi-billion dollar site and makes the same grammatical mistake on two consecutive and so important milestone hands.

Sorry.

There'snofuckingwaythisguyhasajobwithamultibilliondollarsiteandmakesthesamegrammaticalmistakeontwoconsecutiveandsoimportantmilestonehands.

Berserkers, Dracula, Empire of the East. The Books of Swords.

GodImisshimthisguycouldreallywrite.

The Clueless Hosts

"Each Player." There are two. Maybe it would be a bit more appropriate to say, "Both Players."

"Good luck to everybody." How the fuck do I get this cushy job as a PokerStars host? You don't even have to know how to count. Maybe he/she/it had to take a pee break after a grueling time of watching the counter click down to the next milestone hand.

"Everyone else at the table won at least..."

What the fuck? He's got a username- wyteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Cleverly thought out after months of torture by bullies on the playground. Please say, "The big winner is AI number one and also wyteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee won $500. Or your AI screen guild card will be revoked.

Here We go Again With Milestoes

The very first time PokerStars paraded out the milestone hands there was a big fuss about observers being allowed to comment. And boy howdy did they. And rightfully so. Because the friendly host explained that you would win the megabucks by going all in.

Now here we have one lonely observer wondering why a table full of players who win real cash money (yeah right) don't take the time to say thank you for the serendipity.

It's sweepstakes and carnies. Present a fantastic prize. Make a big hoopla about someone winning it. And you don't actually have to make the payoff because the winner is an employee that doesn't exist. An actor that was paid $1,000 and a six pack of beer to pretend to e excited about the windfall.

One of My Favorite Oxymorons

Now get this. PokerStars is now on Facebook. And if you login in to play with Facebook you get free chips. Or at least that's what this email leads me to believe. I won't ever know because my FB account is used very sparingly.

Te cosmic joke is that 99% of the tables you play show no sign of real human contact. So if you're playin'with your FaceBook friends they aren't chatting with you. Perhaps the intention is that you play the game o PoerStars, but instead of chatting about it on PokerStars you are chatting on FaceBook.

This is not indicative of real human nature.

Combine this with the recent feature of buying play money chip which essentially makes them real money chips - spread it out as much as possible. The most interesting fraud since the Nigerian Prince scam.