Thursday, September 26, 2013

Classic Internet Poker AI Betting



Well dumbass, after jerking everyone around after you got into the chip lead early you have know tipped your hand. No serious poker player would ever make a raise and call hands leaving themselves with only five chips. I guess you were feeling M1sspiggy style lucky and wanted Guinness Records to record the greatest comeback ever. From five chips into the money.

Even if the other three of us traded winners it would take you hours to get to the point where you would possibly make it into the top three.

The real human response would have been to abort and find a new table. Immediately.

But we aren't dealing with real humans.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Miley Cyrus is Available After the Breakup



Cheap shot. You bet. But I'm still active, PokerFrauds is a fraud and post titles get hits.

There are way too many fucking chips here to be believable.

It would be interesting to see the online poker community try to defend this. I kind of wish they would because there is no good answer.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Pit Bulls Really Hate Poker



Yet, this is probably the single biggest reason that I don't spend too much time busting on PokerStars.

I have a life outside of Internet Poker. Since the play is currently in overaggressive cheat mode I spend my few minutes without the dog bothering me on not playing, but investigating. He's not going to leave me alone long enough for a quiet sit and go.

Now think about this. These new ultra-high end tables have just shown up and they are consistently populated by players that have way too many chips more than a real person could have. The fucking buy in is larger than a real person could possibly have enough to buy in.

And let's throw in the real life adjustment. You jackwipes have the time to get millions of chips without the simple fact of real life issues like eating, breathing, taking the dog for a walk, showering, putting Neosporin on an open wound, discussing fungibles, testing the basement for radon, cutting the grass, paying bills, going to stores and paying bills, orgasms, voting, replacing the gutters on your house, redacting documents that show your ex-wife hired a PI to get control of the child you made a bad decision to bring into this world, fixing the car when it craps out, cleaning the bathroom,

And sleeping.

Bullshit

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Same Old Mistakes



It doesn't matter that it's highly unlikely that a single person would get enough chips to play at these tables. It doesn't matter that it's compounded by the tables constantly being full with a waiting list. It doesn't matter that it's compounded by a player playing more than one at the same time. These bogus huge buy in games just keep chugging along.

As far as I can tell Pokerstars is desperately clinging to one of the last marketing cards they have. Billions of hands dealt.

If a hand is dealt in the forest and no one looks at the cards is it really a hand dealt? I mean a real human person and not just some AI that doesn't eve take the time to acknowledge the table in chat.

One might think that an institution like Guinness Book of world Records would help police such an obvious atrocity. I've tried to point it out to them several times. They either don't care or were paid way too much money by PS to not care.

The math is and always will be on my side. Math is a fact like gravity and not something made up like the female orgasm or Tila Tequila.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

What Genius Thought This Up?



As someone that is immune to advertising and marketing strategies I really have to think about what weird and demented kind of mind thinks that presenting a game that no real human could ever conceivably sit at.

Throwing a check at Nadal, I can understand that. Look everyone, Nadal plays poker on Pokerstars! Or maybe not after cashing the check. So long and thanks for all the fish.

This schmavitz douche is playing two tables concurrently with a 40 million buy in at each. A real person would be hard pressed to get 10 million dedicating their life to playing free money poker. And if you're that good. Why aren't you at a brick and mortar playing for real money.

Friday, September 6, 2013

Syrian Internet Hacking



Surely that must be the reason for the existence of these tables. Convincing your allies like Iran to retaliate isn't enough of a deterrent to Cruise missile strikes. You gotta hit them where it hurts the most. In the free money chip stack. Let's build up a crack team of computer experts and their support team. (Them and their dogs camels and make life not worth living for the imperialist camels dogs.

One position having dedicated the time to acquire the 40 million buy in is bullshit. A table full of such is Megashark vs. Crocosaurus bullshit. Me and my crack team of film experts (me and the pit bull) report that having a waiting list behind these tables is Scientology Lamprey vs. Tony Ortega (coming to released straight to DVD in four months) bullshit.

When the fuck are you going to wake up and recognize you continue to present an indefensible position?

Inquiring pit bulls want to know.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

PokerStars Math Doesn't Work



Think back to the time when I posted about Freckledmom on Full Tilt. At this time 10 million free money chips was the barometer for success. They even had this exclusive free money chip club of ten million free money chip players.

Now Freckie would be considered a low grade chump since it looks like 10 million isn't even enough to buy into the game. A full table with a half a billion chips? I'm pulling my free money out of the free money stock and bond market. Because at this rate within a couple of years at this pace the tables will be populated by one half million buy ins and places at the table will show players in the quadrillions.

Which is bullshit.









Monday, September 2, 2013

Someone Lost 600 million Chips



Bullshit

Bullshit

Seriously?



Jackwipes that post in all caps have millions of free money to throw around? And if these people are that good why are the playing free money tables?

Internet Poker Bullshit



There's no way that a single person could get hundreds of millions of chips, much less a table full of them. Keep setting the volleyball up and I'll keep spiking it.

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Think About This

The payoffs are in US dollars. It's been quite some time since US players were allowed to play for real money. Surely by now a legit site would have changed to some other currency.

Do Not Insult My Intelligence Trying to Explain This



The existence of tables that have a half million/one million blinds is ludicrous.

Remember these are supposedly real people. Think about the time and effort it would take to get one million. Personally I had a bit less than four million at my max. That would allow me to sit in for a couple of hands.

You've locked down the chat on all the tables. You've made the game play so impossibly annoying that old timers won't bother playing. You've got some really bogus Guiness Book of World Records mentions. To seal the deal you need to disallow people from watching tables. Because some day someone with a big bankroll will notice that it's an obvious cheat.

At my best I played hard for months to get 3 million. A table full of characters that have hundreds of millions is an insult to my intelligence and a crime against humanity.

Major Internet Poker Upgrade



Every once in awhile I'm met with a friendly message that there is an upgrade to load on to my PC. Usually it's a change in the global mindset from mindless all in raising to something that almost resembles real poker. And back and forth.

I've been doing this for a long time and I've acquired a set of skills that make me PokerStars worst nightmare. This is a result of purposefully trying to lose. Which was actually harder than I thought it would be.

Yup. You got that right. Tried to lose. Just like the ridiculous AI tries to lose at times. I did't just try to lose, I succeeded. Because it serves my purpose.

So when you lose all your chippies PokerStars gives you more. This free money automatic add in is going to cause a huge bubble in the free money economy. Free money strippers need free money dollars stuffed into their free money thongs. Free money fast food cashiers need the money because the free money minimum wage is too low.

It's fucking insane that within a week or so that PokerFrauds changes the loser chip add from 999 to 1,000. And right after I whined about 999 being bogus.