The Fiscal Cliff

http://www.pokerstarsblog.com/2012/hog-heaven-m1sspiggy-wins-66k-in-pokerst-124696.html

As a real person who has invested so much of my life into the goings on of Internet poker I mostly just butt heads with artificial intelligence and admins that try to make it look for real. I've learned to be quiet in the chat because it's just counter-productive. Admins don't like to be reminded that they know they are cheating.

Know let's expand admins to the entire staff of a multi-billion industry site.

These bonus hands on their push to 90 billion hands have been, in general, an embarrassment to PokerStars, my intelligence and an insult to anybody, that like me, has witnessed over a million hands of poker.

And now with this hard evidence, it's time to go public. It's not like I lied about my name and email address when I first registered. And I still wonder at why they didn't do the sane thing of finding an excuse to delete my account. (Maybe because years ago I stopped complaining about the bad beats online?)

There's a reason for those bad beats. Two actually. Serious non-random cards and AI that displays the most bizarre and ridiculous betting patterns (yes, on the free money tables from what I've seen, but it surely holds true for all tables) and a general lack of humanity in the chat. And let's throw in the creation of weird games that the site acknowledges like Badugi and the weird player dictated games like Rage where when you don't play by those rules you are a donk and/or a crasher. I feel so evil and unworthy for not going all in. I hide my shame in my foldedness (real word.)

It's mathematically impossible enough that Pigtard was involved in hand 89,970,000,000 heads up when mathematically it would be more likely to fall into, say, something like a nine player table. But now this piece of AI is also the winner of the big bucks on the 90 billionth hand, too.

I've been more passive about the cheating than I should. So now I'm thinking of going seriously public about this. FBI? New York Times? Gawker? Huffington Post? 2+2 forum? Daisy's Garden Club?

This is the most seminal moment of my life. The odds that this can happen are less than zero. And for ages PokerStars just keeping on creating new AI positions and letting them churn out hand versus hand of other AI positions.

Did I mention the odds of being involved in two milestone hands yet? Where one was on a two player table AND you where the big winner?

Milestone 89,975,000,000

Well this has been fun while it's lasted. Surely PokerFrauds will better protect and gauge what they do around me in particular, and around the apparently clueless donks that play for real money.

A third table in just a few where an even multiple of a million has been dealt is on a heads up game. The scorecard still shows a big zero on these being on a free money table where their crack IT team has to explain that it's been adjusted to ignore the free money hands that have been dealt. At this point I don't care about that. We're looking at half the milepebbles tables tonight showing as the ones that were the lucky winners of free cash. And pre-free cash winning you maximize the winning by playing like an idiot, at their own suggestion. And they have the nerve to post some crap about being concerned about responsible gaming.

God bless the USA Justice Department and FBI for taking the US players out of this silly equation.

Milestone 89 next

This has happened before. There's something weird going on with my screenshots. Just like something weird that I can't copy chat and paste it into Babylon.

You got something to hide?

Whinebaby Don cried about sitting out when it came to money time and not being dealt a hand.

Milestone 89,973,000,000

"In the real world I'm broke."

Yeah, that makes all kinds of fucking sense. Kind of makes it sound like you know that this table and milebebble bonus isn't for real. And gladly we have a bunch of players calling you the donk you are. You're broke whether you're playing in a brick and mortar versus real people or lost it to AI on Pokerstars.

Milestone $89,972,000,000

My oh my. Second out of three milepebble hands is on a heads up game. The odds of this are pretty assholenomical. But at least this commentator recognizes there are just two.

Added weirdness - which almost addresses my focus. "Couldn't PokerStars find a table with NO players?" Really? There kinda has to be at least two for a hand to be dealt. The aggressive observer donk chat failed to nail this idiot to the wall. The correct phrasing to try and make an excuse to combat me is, "Couldn't PokerStars pick a free money table?"


You donks. You're supposed to play for hours like an idiot. Maximizes that once in a life time milepebble hand where you win $300 after dropping $1,00 all day.

Milestone 89,971,000,000

Genuine speed bump or purposeful prevention of my poisoned pen? I don't know. I'll take two out of three with my next.

Milestone #89,700,000,000

By admission in chat, one has just started, the other has been playing all day. I've read the rules on VPP points which are integral to the milepebble bonus. What percent you bought in at affects your VPP. We can assume that "just started means less than 50 hands.

But when the final payoff is made the winner, who has the payout doubled has EXACTLTY twice the payout.

Commentator: Congratulations to all!" "Congratulations to everyone!"

This commentator has no clue that there are only two players. And with a simple job to respond once every twenty or minutes it's pretty unlikely that this was generated by a real human.

And let's follow this up with the obligatory donk remarks. And add in non-English chat even though by now everyone knows it's not allowed.

The Road to PokerStars Heaven is Paved with Bad Intentions

What the following milestone hands will show are varying degrees of what we here at the Big Laydown like to call a term that has never been used before.

Bullshit.

These milestone hands have some common features. It's almost always a Hold'em hand. Granted this is the most popular. But we are talking about a game of odds. It's almost always a low blinds game. Granted these are more likely. There's always a flurry of negative observer chat that uses their favorite word for an incompetent player - donks, or a similar insult.

Another common feature of these milestone hands is that you are rewarded based on your VPPs. Kinda haven't seen a new player to the table only score the $20 minimum by accidentally showing up at the wrong time. Granted, it could happen.

But the one immutable, mathematical concept that fucks PokerStars is that these tables always magically fall onto a real money table. It's not like they ever tried to explain away that the milestone hand was adjusted because it fell on a free money table.

And the Sit Out wait list thing from Operation Wait List? Real people my ass. Declare a prize you don't have to pay off. Because AI doesn't have checking accounts.

You call it a promotion. I tend to think promotion means spend some dollars to gain future customers. Marketing ploy is in the middle. You market milestone tips like play more tables, play longer, and loosen up so if you manage to get on the magic table that scores you a big pot we've made out in the long run. I prefer the word "scam." You play recklessly and lose to AI that doesn't have to be paid out.

And the math is most definitely on my side.

MPM-5

MPM-5

Just part of the grouping.

More PokerStars Milestones - 4

An anomaly, because the standard rules of being a full table are met, but barely. This is the highest blinds I've seen in these milestone hands. But this is countered by the obvious lack of recognition that these two were playing a milestone for big bucks.

More PokerStars Milestones - 3

Real money table. Check.
Hold'em. Check.
Full table. Check.

Special bonus - the bogus flashy Sit Out avatar message. And not one of these derisive observers says, "Holy fucking underwear outside my pants Batman! What was that?!

More PokerStars Milestones - 2

Real money table. Check.
Hold'em. Check.
Full table. Check.
Derogatory observer chat. Check.

More PokerStars MileStone Hands

Real money table. Check.
Hold'em. Check.
Full Table. Check.
Derogatory observer chat - f nit. Check.

Milestones? Part 3

And as if the lack of math isn't enough to insult my intelligence, we also have the outright rules break.

Observer chat. This has been locked down for over a year. But because these milepebbles have put so many mileripples in the mileponds mileobservers get to milepost multiple milechats. But if I want to add my mile cents to the mileconversation, I'm not milemet with milechat not being mile allowed I'm miletold that milereal milemoney games are not allowed in the mileUSA.

If you are going to be this milestupid I really doubt you will mile survive to 100 milebillion hands. Miles Standish knows, from his milegrave that this is milebogus. Miley Cyrus knows it's bogus. Chess player Anthony Miles knows it's bogus. I guess you're going to get another milebogus reference in Guiness for this. But I will mile get one miletoo for most inappropriate uses of the word mile in a single milepost. <======== Milepost. Real word!!!!!

Milestones? Part 2

For additional verification that this is the exact even multiple of one million hands, look at the upper left part of the screen where the hand number is displayed. They are running these milepebbles every million hands from 89 billion to 90 billion. It doesn't take a math genius to figure out that a crapload of them would be dealt on free money tables. The genius that thought this campaign out should be fired. This is an embarrassment, and insult, to professional poker players. Poker has a definite mathematical basis, and this defies all probability.

The basic premise is that you have nothing to lose and just go all in. And since it appears the game is infested with AI, there aren't any real payouts.

Milestones?

I had the luxury of being online when the 89th billion hand was played and these milestone hands with bonus cash started showing up. I said to myself, "Self, your a math guy. And there's something really, really wrong here. So read this and my clues and see if you can figure it out before my next post in a bit.

There's a counter in the upper right hand corner of how many hands it will take before the next milestone hand. Which aren't really milestones. More like milepebbles. Once every million hands PokerStars breaks out the checkbook and awards incredible prizes to the lucky sitters at the magic milepebbple table.

Have you figured it out yet? Do you need a bigger hint? OK I'll slam it in your face. Get this, PokerStars does a pretty brisk business catering to the two year olds and their rage tables and multi-million chip stacks.

Milestone

The staff that runs PokerFrauds has limited math skills and an extraordinary cheat to make it look like I'm a real human being.

You don't really understand the meaning of "milestone" do ya? It's like a cosmic once in a lifetime thing. Not something that should happen every 50 hands.

The counter in the upper right tells me that within several hundred thousands of hands we are going to reach that magical milestone of 90 billion. It's just an excuse to have real money players go all in because there is a bonus.

If I sat at a real money table where I was told I had played on the "milestone" 89,802,000 hand I would be insulted.