No Reaction to Jokes

Yesterday one of my co-workers was waiting for the boss to get off the phone and she was cradling her coffee mug. Another pair of co-workers thought she was holding a camera waiting to take a picture. When it was revealed it was a beverage holding container I spontaneously mentioned that it was a camera for taking mug shots.

The "My Bike is Red" scenario of testing for AI is a planned series of messages in chat to try and elicit a reaction from the table mates. Once you get to the point where you mention that your bike worships Satan and tells you to kill your parents - if there hasn't been a reaction before you've supposedly seen this for the first time it's dubious you are really human. I don't care if the reaction is "WTF?" or "Shut up asshole." It deserves a reaction.

So I sit at a table where there is someone named pepsinorm. Spontaneous humor brain instantly says that there is a pun here. And on a table with nine other opponents not a single one can take the time to acknowledge my existence and the fact that it's the only chat posted all game long.

So I offer this one last joke. How many poker sites does it take to change a light bulb? They don't change them. They hire people to do that while they hide behind non-extradition treaties.

Chrome Star

Two of them. And these jackwipes never thought that maybe they should go heads up for real money instead of being annoying in play money games.

Blackfish

As a real humin (real word) and not some retarded AI or bored admin I occasionally do something other than play poker. So about two months ago I bought Blackfish off my cable company and it was a huge mindset altering experience. Killer whales in captivity are tortured and unloved like my killer pit bull who steals the covers at night.

So now that I'm interested in killer whales it's natural for me to try and connect with the player that has a killer whale avatar.

The game is a couple of hands old and chat is locked down for the remainder of the game. Which probably means no chat was allowed from the start. I don't know if it's because I'm recalcitrant and vocal about the fraud or if it's just that PF wants t keep the hands chugging away without real humin (real word) interruption. If I'm that annoying I should have my account deleted.

So before I take a nap I'll see if I can post chat.

Not Going All In

PokerStars still hasn't figured out a way to make the AI betting look legit after all these years. It's a helluva lot easier to go all in, and the better poker move, than to leave a tiny bit of chips behind that aren't going to be a game changer. Usually these big bets and calls prior to the river turn into an all in anyway after the next table card is turned up.

I'm used to it happening once every couple of games. But for crying out loud, twice on the same table?!? This is some serious bull.

F You Says the SilverStar

As is typical for these 50-50 free money turbo games there isn't a whole lot of chat going on. This table had four characters over a full game. No more do we have "hi all," good luck all," "u2," "Pete, I want to bang your sister" or any other number of mindless chatter that used to exist pre-US Justice Dept. shut down.

Now we are limited to a Silver Star position that is the most unlikely to register for this meaningless free money game losing a hand and whining.

Personally if I put the time commitment into playing real money games and I was met with the inevitable hot poker (pun intended) up the ass bad beat that might have wiped out your real money I would turn off the computer, get stinking drunk, wake up and delete my account. I wouldn't register for a low leel free money game and pretend that it would give me an iota of happiness that I could struggle on and maybe make myself a ChromeStar.

In these low level free money games I' a big shark in a tiny pond. I should be met with a constant supply of idiots that don't have a clue how to play poker. I'm met with idiots that by the rules know poker and play like they are on crack.

How Do You Access Your Games?

I've caught PokerStars manufacturing bogus positions. Something like 15 years ago there were these players registering with insipid names like david175, bruce34, don577, etc....

The latest insanity is bogus positions that now get to proudly display that they are playing from a handheld device. Seriously, half a table is sitting at a Starbucks or at the laundromat while the clothes are spinning in a dryer? Here it is 3:00am EST and there and some of these players are from the US, some from Russia. In the almost non-existent chat one US player even had the nerve to post "da." This tells me a lot about the "people" I'm seated with. Admin from Russia in control of a table with AI. There are only two people here and I've got a huge lack of home court disadvantage.

And you expect me to get cheated and lose on free money games and buy free money chips?

The NSA is Watching PokerStars

At times, quite often actually, I catch PokerStars doing something inconsistent and stupid. At times I hate myself for posting here and letting them know so they can cheat better. But here I go.

The latest insanity is little icons hovering around a player indicating that he/she/it/shit is playing from a smartphone or a tablet. I'm guessing the idea is that the message is you can enjoy a fun game or two of poker on the bullet train commute between Seattle and Tokyo on the way to work. Literally everyone knows this is stupid since Godzilla will surely attack and ruin the commute.

The bind-moggling thought that these wackjipes know exactly what platform I'm using to log in is insane. Am I Playing from my piece of shit computer? Am I playing from my phartsmone? Am I playing from an Ipad? Exactly how the fuck do you know with so much certainty that these players are logged in other than 2400k dial up on a Commdore 64 that you create little icon imagy things?

National League of Poker- Are You Serious?

I hate spam as much as the next guy. Weird ass cheap food that fed the troops in WWII. During the lean years Mom would make a meal an occasional Hormel related dinner offering. So I get to reminis...reminas...oh fuck, think about these cheap ass meals and know I never went to bed hungry. Just for a weird retro feeling I think I'm actually going to buy some of it. The dog will like it. He'll pretty much eat anything.

So now spam email is a constant in our misguided global community. Normally it is like a pretend psychic's method of throwing enoungh shit out there that maybe something will stick and you can con some eighty year old woman into writing a check to save homeless Bosnian puppies.

But there are two more dangerous variations of Spam. First off is that any existing cans, despite their vacuum seal and pull top tab can still have the contents compromised. The war is over. The depression is over. Time to let it go.

NLOP was one of the many sites I investigated and found to be just a tad ....who am I kidding .... totally bogus. There was a bit of a different spin. You play for points. You do well enough you get an invite to the tournament that you can win a huge prize on. I consistently made it to the tourney that had the big prize offered. Natch never won it.

I gave up on bothering with these assholes a long time ago. In the meantime the US Justice Department made it illegal to have US players play for real money. And now it's been like at least a decade later and these jackwipes (tm) are sending me an email about how I can be a part of playing for real money games that I'm not allowed to play on. Your crack IT department doesn't recognize the United States?