More PokerStars Stupidity

Now get this. This fucktard jakwipe is from the US. Granted it's Alaska and he/she/it might be an Aleut or someone without basic control of the English language. But he/she/it is a Bronze Star. That means you've been playing cards for a long time including before the US Justice Dept. lock down on real money play.

It's not "bad data" you fucking moron. It's bad CARDS. Calling the CARDS "data" when you have spent all the time a real human would need to get to acquire Bronze Star status makes you look like an admin who doesn't have a clue about how to play poker.

The poker craze is over. Scamming weak players into making real money deposits is done. I'm sitting at a table filled with bad AI and getting cheated on a regular basis. And I've been doing this for damn near twenty years. Time to fold up the tents, stop advertising that you are the coolest site on the poker Internet. Tuck your legs under and don't get jail time.

Internet Game Fraud

I've been doing this for more than two decades. The average jackwipe that complains about one bad night doesn't have a clue about the reality of what goes on in the real world. Because the average jackwipe is just a clueless money donor or artificial intelligence,

This is a message I never should have received. I'm not allowed to even observe a table unless I make a real money deposit. I can't make that deposit. I live in oe of those kinda smart countries that have banned Internet poker real money bullshit.

If your crack IT team can't recognize I'm playing from a US IP address then they otta be fired. If you were a real business.

I have to click on a checkbox that says I understand that the US Justice Dept. acnowledges that I can't play for real money. And you offer up tables that make me forced to deposit real money simply to observe.

Bullshit

PauseStars

This was a much needed laugh for me. But journalism first.

Again I've observed a real money buy in game where the blinds actually put out are less than the blinds the table is supposedly supposed to supposedly be. These supposed players just can't supposedly help themselves or supposedly realize that they are not supposedly breaking the supposed rules.

I can do this every day. For now.

Ad here we have this interesting bloke that decided to name himself PauseStars. I actually think this might be a real and pissed off human being. If PokerFrauds cared about their image it's doubtful this player would exist. Other than the obvious rule breaks like the blinds I've been posting about and the obvious mathematical anomalies like Miss Piggy the single thing PauseStars is most famous for is exceptionally slow play. The sitting out. The timing out. These assholes haven't even begun to have a suppossed clue on what the word "Turbo" supposedly means. Hyper doesn't mean really fast. It's what your cat acts like after eating a fern and you ignore it because you wasted a night on non-random cards.

PokerStars Lack of Math

Of all the the stupid things PokerStars has done in the past two decades this rates really high on the chart. These are supposedly real people playing for supposedly real money on a supposedly table with a supposedly minimum of supposedly $10. And yet the supposedly actual bet is supposedly $1.50.

If you are a real person playing here this should just scream out

WHAT THE FUCK????

But AI doesn't care.

Am I supposedly to think that it's supposedly cool that I only have to supposedly bet $1.50 instead of a supposed $10? If I were a supposed real person I would supposedly be offended that the supposed payoff on the supposed hand was less than it supposedly should have been because the supposed biggest and poker best site on the Internet can't follow simple math a four year old understands.

"Mommy, can I have $1.50 for an ice cream cone?" "No way, that's too much. Here's $10. It's all the same in the bizarre world of Internet poker."

PokerFrauds Cheating

I can do this every single day. It's a badly programmed database. The odds of being sitting at a table full of real people are zero.

PokerFrauds, just like Scientology are trying to suck up as much money out of their whales before fading out into nothing.

PokerStars Cheating

Please follow some of the basic rules. Like when you sit at a table and the blinds are $10/$20 and magically the players are going at it with $1.50.

Yeah, I'm from the US and I'm not allowed to play for real money. For now I'm still allowed to watch. Getting cheated at the free money games constantly makes me wonder what is up with this site.

I didn't make a conscious decision to change the graphics. There wasn't a friendly message about an upgrade that changed my graphics.

Table full of AI that doesn't have to follow the rules.

Upgrade on PokerStars

Normally every buy in is a nice even multiple of $50. Now that Amaya has bought the site we have this major upgrade (do ya hear the sarcasm?) where on the meaningless free money tables now there is an offbeat $275 buy in. $250. $500. Pointless. Getting cheated for $25 more than the normal meaningless free money chips is bullshit.

PokerStars Admin Bragging About the 40 Chip Comeback

I don't think this is really the way this went down. But I'm gonna take this jakewipe's word for it since it suits my purposes.

Let's start with the probable reality before the endgame. I'm at a table where it's really not too popular and it fills up without supposedly real people. Fixed lmit, yet the play early on resembles all in moronic nonsense. This happens all the time.

Naturally Teddy/jackwipe cheating douchebag is a starred player.

But let us defenestrate and forget that.

Go all in on a full table with 40 chips. Do a little bit of fucking math PS. $40 with 4 players calling you got $160. $160 with four players calling you got $640. $640 with four players calling you got over 2k and your back in the game.

The math doesn't work because doubling down when impossibly short stacked requires too many clueless idiots that are willing to call...and raise on bullshit cards.

I don't care if you are Ivey, Moneymaker, Hellmouth, Brunson or whatever real players there are out there. Nobody. Fucking nobody comes back from 40 chips to handily win a tourney. A free money tourney where you wouldn't even be wasting your time.

Amaya Complainer

This friendly message about players sitting out has been stock for years. What should be complained about is that despite all these turbo and hyper supposedly high speed games is that there is always at least one jackwipe that plays slooooooooowwwwww.

Yeah fucking right. You register for a game that requires you pay attention to it and universally the best option is to be a dick, time out and sit out.

I've shit out more believable stuff than this site has ever offered.

And this site was bought by Amaya for billions.

No real person buys into a free money game and sits out expecting to win some chips. Telling me that this strategy doesn't work is an insult to my intelligence.

Amaya Person That Has Been Here For Years

Not one, not two but three players from the United States with a Bronze Star. And gosh by jolly none of them has taken the time to personalize the account with a picture of the cute doggie, a screenshot from the favorite video game or anything remotely looking like they have actually spent a lot of time on the site.

Newsflash Amaya. You haven't posted anything about changing the rules. You inherited some rules that indirectly prove that there is a serious time commitment to get a Bronze Star.

A Bronze Star requires playing for real money and winning a lot. Real money play has been locked down in the US for ages. It's not like these positions have accepted their fate and need a poker fix and are willing to concede their previous dominance and simply play for free money. These positions get way above normal than average cards. They bet it. And they win.

And some assholes who know nothing about math buy a site with this player base. Which actually makes some kind of sense since math is obviously not important here.

Amaya Donk

In the purest form of Internet poker stupidity you are a "donk." Because typing donkey takes two extra key strokes. But since chat has been locked down for something like five years it really doesn't matter. What matters is that my opponents can do something I can't do.

It's comical that I post about how they log in with in their hand held devices and it magically disappears. And then I post about how idiots don't go all in when they can't possibly be competing with any serious thought and intelligence. My reward is this guy that thinks that not going all in, but leaving one chip behind is a game changer.

Not going all in and leaving one chip behind is the most idiotic donk play of all time. Yet some group of investors plopped down 5 billion dollars on this database.

Amaya Bad Investor or What?

This started off as an investigation simply focused on whether this was really the Russian flag (it is). Instead it turned out to be a presentation of several other problems with Internet poker in general and PokerStars, specifically. My mind is boggled at why anyone would drop 5 billion dollars to buy this sorry ass site.

27 player game. Naturally none of these idiots understands the definition of "turbo." In case you are reading, it basically means fast. Not like going without food, but speedy like a greased bunny. Although lack of food may be the reason that you are so slow. Lack of nutrition makes you laconic.

After the speed picks up, maybe because of Cleats complaining, we hit a bit of a speed bump. And that actually works pretty well as an intended pun. The game is slowed down by someone being disconnected. If I were a smart investor I'd want my asset that I purchase to have some decent functionality. Now the claim can be made, and it ALWAYS is that the player disconnected. Cat peed on the keyboard and such. You can't swing a dead cat, or at least a freshly peed cat in this town without someone on a multi-table game disconnecting.

The game continues into high blinds. Shortstacked Ryan saves 155 chips behind instead of going all in. Have to call bullshit on that. There is no fucking way you are going to make a miracle come back with 155 chips at this point. That's like two hands with these blinds.

Another disconnection. WTF???? This one reeked of, "It's a turbo game and I need more time to rig the hand."

From my investigations the typical anti Internet poker post is the result of one really bad beat or maybe extended to one bad night. This bullshit has been going on for more than twenty years. And a change in ownership isn't going to solve anything.

The PR and Marketing Problem with PokerStars

They are so inconsistent. Just like SeaWorld and Scientology the time spent on the Internet has no contiguous aura of making it look like you are doing everything possible to cover up mistakes you have made.

A few short months ago PokerStars paraded out that you could play the game from your mobile device. And strangely, or maybe not so strangely, the players that used to proudly appear with the cute little attachment to their avatar have disappeared.

I seriously doubt the Amaya buyout is the reason. It would take months to change the paramaters if this was a legit buyout. And from what I've seen of the crack PokerStars IT department in 20+ years - 10 mouse clicks to change the settings of the AI.

Amaya Confused?

Some bloke or blokette from Portugal has chosen the American Bald Eagle as their avatar. I doubt there's a single ABE in Portugal. It's just as bad as choosing the soccer flag for Mauritania when you are from Indonesia. Makes no sense.

Amaya Big Bad Ass or What?

Not only as a Chrome Star player wasting my time on free money tables I'm also a high roller that chooses to ignore the World Cup.

Any free money table a chrome starred player is sitting at is bullshit. Some are just more bullshiitier than others.

Amaya Missing Something

5 billion dollars buys you a site where a player registers for one single tourney that can't possibly start in a reasonable amount of time. This 180 player table isn't going anywhere for hours. Or maybe even days. BEHRCLAWS, love the caps lock. That's a classy way to introduce yourself to the world of Internet poker. Sitting at a 180 player table that isn't going to start. The only thing you're missing is a soccer ball avatar.

PokerStars Owners Bought Out!

There's something big going on in the realm of Internet poker. Investors are dropping damn near 5 billion dollars to acquire the rights to the biggest and baddest Internet poker site.

http://www.newswire.ca/en/story/1372281/amaya-agrees-to-acquire-rational-group-owner-of-pokerstars-and-full-tilt-poker-for-4-9-billion

Normally real human beings invest in something they can expect to make a financial gain on. Amaya is buying into a site that doesn't even remotely have a speck of humanity in it. 5 billion dollars gets you a player base where the ultimate level - the Chrome Star decides that playing for an hour on a meaningless free money game is the thing to do. 5 billion gets you a player base where nobody talks to each other. They just raise irrationally. 5 billion dollars gets you the famous Miss Piggy incident that is so statistically unreal it boggles the mind. 5 billion dollars gets you a player base where sitting out is tactically a great option.

In my last twenty five years of life I've discovered that I really hate being lied to. Insult my intelligence and I get kinda feisty. Scientology PR is atrocious. SeaWorld PR is atrocious. Instead of a real, major corporate transaction this just reeks of Internet poker bad PR. The biggest mistake in the buy out article is the claim that maybe this change in ownership will let the US Justice Department let US players return to playing for free money.

Not on my watch. And I am watching you PS. Let's see if you do something stupid like mismatched soccer flags vs. your claimed country of origin. It's happened before, it will surely happen again.

The Billionaire Club

Now that most of the world is not allowed to play for real money - because it's a scam - we have to put up with this free money nonsense.

The idea that somebody would dedicate their life to being a part of a billionaire free money club is insane.

I don't care how talented you are. There's no way you get a billion chips without breaking out the checkbook at some point in time. If you are a real person.

World Cup is coming up soon. Surely there will be some mismatched flag insanity.

128

The big milestone hand we've all been waiting for. And the wait list to join it grows to 128 players.


128 players that will not be allowed to participate in that magical milestone hand.

128

That's a computer number.

A Tiny Bit of Egg on My Face

OK, I get it now. The countdown counter is the countdown until the next really big milestone hand. The "next milestone hand" counter is for the next not the biggest milestone hand but the next let's pretend we're giving money away hand.

There are still problems with the math. And the limited commentary since nobody but admins and pre-programmed AI are allowed to post.

Dearest Moderator/Admin/Controller of the milestone table. Please explain why you have the same friendly message about paying the prizes. Have a GREAT weekend,.

Please explain why you encourage players to look into the next milestone hand. You can't predict it if things are truly random. Unless you Miss Piggy.

And there's never been a good explanation on why these milestone hands happen exactly at an even multiple of one million. Odds are that it would hit a table where hand number xxx,xxx,xxx,002 was dealt.

And there's never been a good explanation about why chat is locked down.