Monday, May 26, 2014

128



The big milestone hand we've all been waiting for. And the wait list to join it grows to 128 players.


128 players that will not be allowed to participate in that magical milestone hand.

128

That's a computer number.

Friday, May 23, 2014

A Tiny Bit of Egg on My Face



OK, I get it now. The countdown counter is the countdown until the next really big milestone hand. The "next milestone hand" counter is for the next not the biggest milestone hand but the next let's pretend we're giving money away hand.

There are still problems with the math. And the limited commentary since nobody but admins and pre-programmed AI are allowed to post.

Dearest Moderator/Admin/Controller of the milestone table. Please explain why you have the same friendly message about paying the prizes. Have a GREAT weekend,.

Please explain why you encourage players to look into the next milestone hand. You can't predict it if things are truly random. Unless you Miss Piggy.

And there's never been a good explanation on why these milestone hands happen exactly at an even multiple of one million. Odds are that it would hit a table where hand number xxx,xxx,xxx,002 was dealt.

And there's never been a good explanation about why chat is locked down.

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Here We Go With the Milestone Hands




One of the last vestigial brain cells that the geniuses at PokerStars have coughed up is the ever enjoyable Milestone hands. I might tend to say that it's a nice try, but it's a miserable failure in an attempt to make it look for real.

The upper right hand corner alternates between a fast moving countdown to the next milestone hand and hands remaining until the next milestone hand. Needless to say, just like dreaming pocket kings might be a winner, the math doesn't work.

Milestone hand #116,552,000,000? Not 116,550,000,000 which would be typical and more believable as in past milestone pushes for encouraging real money players to go all in. Not 116,550,138,271 which would address the reality that with so many tables cranking out so many hands that the milestone hand would actually be played on a table that didn't have an exact multiple of a billion.

Please cheat me some more when I do play. It really makes me want to break out the credit card and buy free money chips.

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Pokerstars Gracious 10 Seconds to Get Your Shit Together



Years ago PS used to make you wait for a table to fill, then when it finally did fill you were greeted with a friendly message that the game would start in less than two minutes. Then after a major upgrade (sarcasm) it switched to one minute. Now you have ten seconds to get your shit together.

The two minute warning was reasonable. A chance to grab a cold and refreshing adult beverage from the fridge. Take a pee break. Start cooking dinner on the Foreman grill. Start warming up the placekicker for the game winning field goal.

In the last decade+ PokerStars hasn't made any rule changes that would enhance the experience for a real human. Instead the focus is on silencing the critics by doing stupid shit like locking down and preventing observer chat.

The three most thankless jobs:

1) PR spokesperson for Internet poker
2) PR spokesperson for Scientology
3) PR spokesperson for SeaWorld

Trying to explain obvious bullshit.

Friday, May 9, 2014

PokerStars Starred Player Rules



I find it really unlikely that A Chrome Star mega super-God like player would ever waste their time in a meaningless fun money game. But here we have it. Not surprsingly the guy was a jack wipe chump. Nut it does get better for the critics. Badugi has to be the sorriest game that a real poker player would ever subject themselves to. And there are two Bronze Stars. And one is from the US.

It's been a long time since US players were allowed to play for real money. You have your star. You played for real money, supposedly for a long time to get that star. And here you are being annoying on what is probably the most meaningless game offered.

Coming soon - the one single change in the software. Gotta take the dog - real living dog - for a walk. He's being a pest.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

I'm Not Sitting Out at PokerStars - I'm Disconnected



I'm going to use a ten dollar word first before I go into full potty mouth mode. Bavardage. Trash.

Apparently PokerStars is the only Internet site that doesn't maintain a decent IT staff and upgrade to make the forum a respectable meeting place where real people can meet up with other real people.

For more than a decade I've occasionally been greeted by a message from the incompetent IT staff that players sitting out are doing themselves a disservice by not playing. In the real world this is a true statement. In Bizarro fucked up Internet poker world this is a true statement.

But the flavor of the day...fuck that...weeks....fuck that YEARS, excuse for being a dumb ass jack wipe and sitting is that you have timed out. You've been forced to sit because you logged into some weird turbo game that while you were getting buggered in the ass was more important than actually playing cards.

It's really difficult for me to believe that the players are so constantly douches and they would purposefully do this. It's more impossible for me to believe that the site is so fucked up that there is no concern for their player base and disconnection happens more often than it does is Scientology. It's all high speed cable modems, overpriced service providers and tech savvy hacker geeks. Somebody getting disconnected from the game is approaching a zero percent probability.