Part Two

For the full effect go back to the previous post before reading this.

And there we have the avatar flashing "Sit Out" message yet again. Multiple times. And another illegal 12k buy in.

All I need is 16k to see this, the real minimum (?) to join the wait list. with 2.7 million I'm going to be doing this a long time until PokerStars starts following their own rules.

Or makes the tables make some kind of fucking sense.

Operation Wait List - 5 out of 6 Successes, Part 1

As long as you keep setting the volleyball, I'll keep spiking it. Operation Wait List is designed to purposefully join a huge wait list and have some position eventually flash "Sit Out" with their avatar. Which I confess I really don't know what it means. Am I supposed to Sit out? Is everyone other than me supposed to sit out? And this comes at an inconvenient time since Operation Stupid Chat is still ago. Both of these require time, and I can't be everywhere at once.

Which is part of the point since if I can't be everywhere at once, how do so many tables show tables with people being everywhere at once.

6:02pm - Again, I'm 32nd on the wait list. Two players with over a million. Very leisurely pace. Not aggressive. Kind of doesn't support the idea that two players would have enough time to garner that number of Jennifers (our new name for chips at free money tables - Jennifer Garner, get it?) We've got two positions with similar names. Both from France. Probably supposed to be at least friends, maybe siblings or maybe even the same person. For the first hour the lack of chat produced two thumbs up emoticons from Gialang.

6:13pm - Not a dent in the wait list. Yes, the casual player that accidentally tried this table has surely gotten bored and found an alternate by now.

6:25pm - Tiny dent in the wait list. Huge use of time thinking ny multiple positions and one of Gia's thumbs uppers.

6:32pm - Tiny dent in the wait list. At this pace I'll be in bed before I'll ever get a seat at this table. And this is the typical pattern in the five of six successes. Snails pace. Then a huge amount of activity that basically translates to, "Sorry I joined this wait list. Have a nice night."

6:33pm - sudstud!!! I've seen you before! Surely there will be some action now that compares to the WSOP victory this morning! But, why are you sitting out?

6:44pm - Suddsy is gone. Damn.

6:50pm - Tuga has joined. I shouldn't do this since there are only three Big Laydown T-shirts left. But, I do think we know what's wrong with this. Figure it out in the next thirty seconds.

6:50pm - Tuga has smartened up and added to the max 40k.

6:52pm - Wow. Tuga took over one of the berkane twins positions. Wouldn't it be more normal to have both of them call it a night at the same time?

6:55pm - Now go back to the 6:52 shot and look at PokerStars dialogue in the chat. Tuga has lost a hand and instantly rebought back in at 40k. Oh, I get it! You have rebuy set to automatically go back in with the max, but when you first sit at the table you buy in with an illegal lesser than the minimum amount. I purposefully avoid an F-bomb because it makes no fucking sense to point out that this makes no fucking sense in regards to real human nature.

6:57pm - Someone on the wait list joined long enough to say good night. Good night to you, sir. Because the thought that you waited an hour on the wait list to post this to your friends leads me to another not posting an F-bomb comment because it would be rude about this making no fucking sense.

7:01pm - Ah. The ever lovable game changing bet of leaving yourself one chip. Because that's a game changer. You will be able to sit at the next hand and start working on your chip empire without having to add chips. And this is serious math. If you go all in with one chip starting and win 64 hands in a row you will have 18 quintillion chips if you win everyone of them. Surely winning 64 hands of all in against eight opponents happens all the time. Otherwise I might be tempted to think that this makes no fucking sense. Regardless of the possible fact that a real human may not even be allowed to make a weird bet like that.

I'm Warning You - Sit Out or Get Cheated

We start this table fairly innocuosly. Just more proof that this nonsense about a player using their avatar to flash a message to Sit Out when if there was a legit reason to sit out an obvious PokerStars moderator should be making that demand. Seriously? Why would you even let me join the wait list in the first place if this was some kind of private table?

As I go through the timeline pay attention to the lower right and upper left positions. (Seats two and six, since we all know that the seats are numbered!)

6:40pm - I establish myself as the 32nd player on the wait list. Let the games begin!! How long is someone reasonably going to wait for a seat to open up at this table, when there are an abundance of tables with seats immediateley open?

6:45pm - a little bit of non-English chat that makes some sense as I translate it to basically meaning that timelin worships Grillo as a poker god. Why yes, that is an impressive stack and surely hasn't been obtained without some kind of cheating/non-random cards going on.

6:52pm - Upper left. We gotses (real word) a new player in town. Someone with the legal, but ill advised buy in of less than the maximum.

6:55pm - Warning Will Robinson! Danger! Danger! New player in the lower right....errrr... I mean seat #2. An even less buy in than the ill advised 16k buy in.

Now take a minute. No, actually, I'm not going to insult your intelligence and suggest you haven't figured it out. It relates to the 6:52 post. So take ten seconds. There is a Big Laydown t-shirt on the line here.

And by the way at this point metralha has already lost it all and rebought in for another 16k.

6:56pm - metralhas has lost it all again and bought back in at 16k. Let me get out my abacus. 16 x 3, eighteen, carry the one. Oh my that's 48k. Probably would have made more sense to buy in at the max 40k the first time if you had the chips. And mister lower right of the screen has smartened up and loaded up to 40k.

7:00pm - metralha sweeps high hand with the nuts flush. Bet you wish you had 40k at the table instead of an AI registration style 16k.

7:14pm - metralhas has now bought in with the ultra crazy ill advised amount of 8k after losing again! He's having one bad night!

7:15pm - metragod(can I call you that?) loses again and finally buys in at 40k. But warning. There's a new player to your immediate left. And that player's name is Quim. And with PokerStars being terribly concerned about the integrity of the game and their precious site, this position surely can't exist because they wouldn't allow someone to register with that name. It's an archaic vulgarism that basically means cunt. (Note to PokerStars - this is obviously way sarcastic, but my vocabulary, as well as my math, are WAAAAAYYYY through the roof.)

So surely metragod is being punished for posting naughty words in chat. Like quim.

7:18pm - And there it is again. The cunt that previously had the pretty picture of a flower now is demanding people to sit out by flashing their avatar to say that. Happened twice; only got one screen shot.

7:19pm - But that's OK, because I knew in seconds it would switch back to the flower. The point is that there's no way that this position could show the pretty flower, burn through the huge wait list and show Sit out, and burn through the huge wait list again to show the pretty flower.

7:28pm - Different table, but it still proves the point. You can't buy in or rebuy at 12k or 8k. Unless you're AI or admin. I tested and it did let me buy in at 15k. I'm not sure what the exact cut off is. But this sure makes me glad I figured out long ago that I wasn't going to put real money down on this rigged shit happens where a site, indeed the biggest site, can't follow their own rules.

Do Ya Get It Yet?

I'm smarter than you. I'm more patient than you. I'm more observant than you. And I've been doing this for years. And with the constant cheating I've learned to do weird shit that an ordinary person won't do.

Like Stephen Colbert's best work I'm mocking you. You really don't have a good response to me posting in caps lock. Oohhhh! everybody does that. Caps lock makes me look cool.

I wanted to hold this trump card until later, but it's better to win the hand now.

I've sat at an empty table and declared it to be all in or fold. Weirdly it fills up within a couple of minutes we have a game going on that I really don't care about other than looking to see some semblance of humanity.

Being in charge of the table (maybe) it's my obligation to tell the he/she/it that it's all in or fold. And like a good little hamster he/she/it behaves.

A new game will start in 10 seconds my fucking ass. A new game will start when the admin in charge puts down the Mountain Dew.

Table Dictation

This is one of my most damaging posts in recent history. It combines the site's reaction of what people would do to sit at a table for hours without playing a hand and the extremely uncompetitive nature of the game in it's current form.

It's a RAGE table. It's a race table. It's all in or fold. These rules are applied by the players. And there's an alpha dog that keeps the pack in line. And what these morons post in chat is rubbish.

Since I'm old and not cool I'm not allowed to race/rage with the pack. How they know this, if real people, which they aren't, is beyond me.

Tables shut down when I sit at them. Big shark that actually understands poker is in the water.

And there we have it again. A new game will start in ten seconds.

No, a new hand on a sit and go table starts when two people are present. Not following the rules. Not following the rules that have been in place for more than a decade. And it looks like the ones that are allowed to break the rules are two year old morons.

HUN I WILL SIGN US UP FOR THE QUIT

I'd Like to Make a Toast Post

I thinkful (real word) that "My bike is red" is my favorite all time Internet poker is rigged trick. A decade ago when poker was plastered all over TV there was some chat that was meaningful. Not that I want that.

A decade ago I was more interested in the math of the cards and things like how someone could join an Omaha Hi Lo table and win or share the win in twenty consecutive hands. (Still remember the name - Texasegg.)

Unlike PokerStars I've grown and increased my knowledge. And they have brought this upon themselves. The card play is so unreasonable that I just know I'm going to get cheated. So I've learned to be patient. And when I've latched on to something I will just beat that to the death. I'm a pitbull. The only significant changes in the algorithm are that the player doing the raising isn't the one that beats you and blocking out critics. No observer chat is allowed on any table. You surely have something to hide.

As long as you keep setting the volleyball I will continue to spike it. Even if the set and the spike are days removed from one another.

So without going verbatim in to the "my bike is red" dialogue I tried to draw out some kind of commentary from my table mates. A 1TOAST table is perfect for this since nobody could be that fucking stupid to only post "ED" on a winning hand. And the mindless dronies (real word, synonymous with drones) just keep chugging along without challenging my weird chat.

I start with some specific pokes at 1TOAST. And they're actually kind of funny because they are not antagonistic except for the screen name and the constant ED posts.

If you haven't responded by the time I get to BIKE RAAAAAAAAGE NEXT and warning you I was going into the traditional "my bike is red" chat then it's really likely you aren't a real person. It took 45 minutes before someone said something that should have happened in the first five minutes.